Thursday, April 2, 2009

Renewing The Mind - The First Step To Health

Hello Everyone,

It's good to be back here today and writing again. I took several days to sit back and look at some things that are swirling around the environment of my life and to examine them. I often do this in order to find golden nuggets of learning, better communication, ways to improve, and new information that could be useful to others.

During the last couple of days I've been doing lots of reading and digging around for information. I came upon some interesting topics dealing with Fibromyalgia that are taken from alternative health practices.

First, let me stand firm in saying that when it comes to non-medical healing or health I always, always, always turn to one source first and any others second. The Word of God is my standard, period. Anything else, I compare with His Word and if it doesn't match up or seems to exadurate or twist Scripture, I stay away from it.

*NOTE: Now, not everyone who is a reader of POF is a follower of Yeshua (I love Jesus's Name spelled this way. It sounds beautiful to my ears. ...Just a side note..) and I welcome you non-the-less! ALL are welcome here and I respect and fight fiercely for the love that The Lord God has for ALL humankind no matter what we've done or who we have been before choosing Him. His power to forgive and change us is the same for all people who choose to receive it from Him. I know and react upon the truth that He sacrificed His life for each and every human being and He loves each one of us. His Word clearly says: 2 Peter 3:9 (Contemporary English Version) "9The Lord isn't slow about keeping his promises, as some people think he is. In fact, God is patient, because he wants everyone to turn from sin and no one to be lost." Whether we choose to respond to His love and forgiveness, is a choice only each individual can make. In the mean time here on the POF blog, I will continue to speak to you from my personal standpoint and it includes the Godly perspective.

With that said, I am not opposed to looking at different strategies for dealing with Fibromyalgia that are unconventional or holistic. In fact I'd rather look in that direction that rely solely on medications that contain chemical after chemical and side affect after side affect only. There is a wealth of information on the human body that is both scientific and sensible from the Godly perspective. I mean after all....He made us, so it make sense to investigate how He made us and how to achieve optimal living the way He designed it right? right! ((HUG))

One of the things I've been looking at more and more is the atomic and cellular levels of the human body. The very smallest components of who we are physically and how that works. It continues to amaze me that we start from one single cell that divides and divides until whole systems are formed. I mean, think about our skin for example. It is stretched over our organs and bones perfectly encasing us. Or think of a skeleton in a lab hanging on display. What's the difference between those bones and our bones? It can't stand on it's own without help, yet we as a collective skeleton walk around or move around freely without help in most cases. Even lifting a finger or an arm is a miracle! How does all of this work? How did He DO it?! Amazing....

I go back to the beginning according to Scripture and I find that God spoke, and then whatever He spoke became physically manifested. "God spoke,....and there was..." So, later on in life, probably about 3 or 4 years ago I was amazed to discover that scientists had discovered SOUND WAVES from atoms!

Ok, where am I going with all of this and how does it relate to Fibromyalgia or chronic pain illnesses?

I was investigating a form of holistic healing that deals with cellular energy. The premise being that life traumas or negative events create negative energy with our cells that stays there permanently if not removed. This negative energy confuses and stifles the body into being unable to naturally heal itself correctly. In order to regain optimal health, the practitioner guides the subject into finding ways to regain positive cellular health so that the body can again function at its optimal level.

Now, let me say that many people (according to testimony) have found help this way and have in fact regained their health as verified through scientific and medical tests. I personally will not choose to use this path for help. In order to participate in this type of therapy, there are several things and actions within the therapy that you have to be willing to either do or at least accept in order for it to be fruitful. One practitioner states that it is NOT necessary to believe everything about the therapy for it to work, but you need to at least accept the therapy procedures and follow the guidelines. One site I found that deals with this type of therapy is here. The site discusses Sacred Cellular Healing as a means to achieving optimal health. Again, I am not endorsing this site or the practices discussed there because of the potential for the procedures to introduce the patient/subject into new age religious practices and beliefs which are contrary to the Word of God. Some may disagree with me or become offended by that statement. I heartily extend my hand in friendliness and agree to disagree with you.

With all of that said, I DO however believe that negative emotions, events, and actions have a lasting and negative impact on our health in a dramatic and devastating capacity.

Scripture says:

Proverbs 3:5-9 (Amplified Bible) "5Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. 6In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths. 7Be not wise in your own eyes; reverently fear and worship the Lord and turn [entirely] away from evil. 8It shall be health to your nerves and sinews, and marrow and moistening to your bones."

Proverbs 15:30 (New King James Version) "30 The light of the eyes rejoices the heart, And a good report makes the bones healthy."

Proverbs 16:23-25 (Amplified Bible) 23The mind of the wise instructs his mouth, and adds learning and persuasiveness to his lips. 24Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the mind and healing to the body."

With these in mind, (There are many more. You can do a keyword search and find several different translations in order to get the most understanding of each scripture here at Biblegateway) I can see clearly that positives bring health and healing, so it makes sense that negatives do just the opposite to our health and our bones. (It's interesting that the marrow of our bones contains life sustaining blood cells, and that the Word of God states in Leviticus 17:14 (New King James Version)"...for the life of all flesh is its blood" So when our bones lose health it has devastating affects on our body.

For the last several months I've had the same scripture pervading my mind and I think and meditate on it quite a bit. I use it in prayer a lot because I am endeavoring to discover what negatives I've accumulated over time that I haven't dealt with or let go of. The scripture is Psalm 51, and particularly Psalm 51:6-12 the past several months. I like to search out different translations of this same scripture and although they all mean and point the very same direction, doing this exercise helps solidify the meaning deep within.

I have spent several months ... hmmm...maybe the past year since my brother died, going over the things I want to let go of emotionally. Bitternesses, angers, hurts, traumas, unforgiveness.... etc. It's not fun because I'm making myself face each one instead of brushing it aside and sweeping it under the carpet so I don't have to feel it or deal with it.

Definitely going through and thinking about these sometimes results in a fibro flare for me. I've found that for me personally, stress or emotional strain causes fibro flares in me more often than not. I've kept track and found that to be true in my case. This past year I've been more sick with symptoms than I've ever been and most likely this is due to the shock and trauma of my little brother being killed in an accident unexpectedly, plus the fallout and ripple effects of his death in myself and in my family. Whew...it's been one of the most eye opening and shocking, devastating, and bittersweet experiences I've ever lived through. Definitely, it has affected my health in a downward way for the time being.

I've literally pretty much "cocooned" myself over the past year, drawing steadily inward. (Perhaps even longer if I think about it) I rarely go out or see other people than my immediate family or participate in activities except for the bare minimal responsibilities I absolutely have to do like taking care of my children or spending time with my husband or time with God. Honestly I "halted". It's cost me. My very treasured friend who is like a sister to me has been hurt by my lack of communication and time spent with her, and my lack on including her in my life. I have lost joy, I have not participated in church functions like I used to be involved in or intended to be involved in, I spend most of my hours alone.

I am aware that eventually I will need to force myself out of my "cocoon" like the way the butterfly has to get it's way out. Right now I'm still very much the caterpillar being transformed into that butterfly. And like the fact that there can only be one caterpillar per cocoon, I am completely alone in this process until it reaches it's purposed end. I worry who will still be around afterward and if it will have cost me too much. For any of this to have value, I must use the time to assess, address, and confess. (Oh, I like that. I must use it as a key phrase function I think.) In two days I will turn 39 and I still need to answer the questions: "Who am I really?" "What am I becoming?" "Who do I want to be?" "What do I want to do in and with my life?". I am disappointed that I won't have those answers in time to start a new year brand new and ready to go.

The reason I primarily am going through this examination is because when I trace my illness back to the very point of beginning, I can see that Endometriosis, Fibromyalgia, and Allodynia all had a beginning point I can clearly point to in my case. I can factually state that at the beginning of feeling their effects, I was experiencing extreme traumas, stress, and negativity in my life. I was also BEING negative toward myself and others both in words and actions on a frequent basis. I had no pleasure in my work or personal life, I fought pain with anger and resentment and bitterness, and yes...unforgiveness.

The Word says: Proverbs 18:20-21 (New King James Version)"20 A man’s stomach shall be satisfied from the fruit of his mouth;From the produce of his lips he shall be filled. 21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit."

I have indeed eaten my own words. I frequently did not speak well of myself or others or of situations I was in. I put other's needs and expectations ahead of my conscience, I settled for second best in many ways, I didn't take time to evaluate what I really wanted to do because I let my finances dictate getting any job that paid the bills, I was not good to myself in business, relationships, or spiritually. I put myself in bad situations that resulted in negative consequences, and I literally could feel my body and my mind breaking down little by little until the day I cried out to my husband that if I didn't stop and figure things out I knew I would end up in the hospital within days. Fortunately, he took me seriously and supported me. It cost both of us to do that.

I have learned to literally speak to my body out loud and say things like "Body, be well and function according to God's perfect ways and intentions for you"; or "It's ok Sherri, learn from that and then let it go. Give the emotions and anger and bitterness to God and let Him destroy it"; or "God I want to forgive 'so and so', but I don't' feel like forgiving them. Please help me to forgive them and to look at their point of view too". I speak the word "life" to my body and "cells regenerate"; or "pain I refuse you and send you out of me"

Sound strange? I know. But honestly, it's working for me. Although it is a very hard and time consuming process that has cost me a great deal, and has cost my loved ones a great deal, I know if I don't do it, I will NEVER be the "me" God intended me to be and I will NEVER get the joy of offering my whole self to those I love or come in contact with. I love them enough to decide that they deserve my best self as my gift to them. I love them as people, as His creations, as human beings who I WANT to pour myself into without reservation or walls. Does that make sense? I also want to love myself and cut myself a break instead of loathing my faults and negative qualities the way I do. I SO want to be over that! Again "Death and life are in the power of the tongue" and that includes what I say and think of my own self too.

On that subject I've had to face a new question the past two weeks that I don't want to face and don't like to face, but I must face never the less. The question is: "Have I truly rejected Fibromyalgia and Allodynia in myself, or...have I slowly embraced them as an identity because I ultimately have allowed them to defeat me and I feel powerless to stop them?".... ouch.

When I first started out I was all about fighting against Fibro and Allodynia and I felt certain that healing was just around the bend for me. Then I planned to go out on a crusade to help others find the same. Oooh me, I'd be like Elektra slashing my way through Fibro with my sai weapons like a superhero and ending up a strong and powerful woman. No,...I have not been like Elektra, but have succumbed through the steady onslaught of my enemy beating me down with pain, fatigue, brain fog, medications, dizziness, incapacity, fear, sleep deprivation, ringing in my ears, and on and on. Like Chinese water torture, Fibro and Allodynia have drip, drip, dripped their devastation into my body, my mind, and my spirit.

Will I be able to emerge from my cocoon? Will I become that butterfly? Will I find my way through this illness and indeed be able to help others find their way through? I sincerely and most passionately hope and persevere to do so.

**To Neal:
You were the first person to see me. The first person to see me, and accept me, and fight with me. You were my hiding place and the keeper of my memories. And I saw you.... We saw each other didn't we...

I desperately miss you and long for you and long to experience your unique qualities and how they opened me and caused me to let go and be free while in your presence. I miss being able to return the favor.

My baby brother, who became a man....

I love you Neal with an everlasting love. I long to see you again and count the days until that's possible. While you are in the arms of your King and Lord, experiencing all there is of Him to discover and joy over,... be there Neal. Be there when I come home...

"Where we go one, we go all"

Love,
Sister**

I dedicate this post to one of my truest and longest friends Ken, who has known me since 14. He wrote the piece that follows and gave me permission to post it here on POF. I want to post it here as a celebration of his own journey through brain injury and recovery. (Thank you Ken....for everything)
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FROM WITHIN, WE FEEL, WE ARE
Copyright 1995 by Kenneth Avery Clabaugh
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The tears that roll from the inside come from somewhere; but where? As do the smiles and cries of joy; but why?

Easy to blame, along with the trials and tribulations of life, are other people. It’s the likes, the dislikes, the hate and the love, the disgust and adoration that are the questions we do not seem to be able to find the answers to.
This institution of life is a road to travel of blind corners, yet a clear destination. How long the road is or how far we may advance are the questions each individual assists in answering for him or her self.

With our likes & dislikes constantly changing or being challenged, confusion occurs. When this personal dilemma arises, we risk making problems for others we care about, therefore creating bigger problems for ourselves or even emotional solitude from those that love us unconditionally. This is not a decision, I believe, that can be made consciously. With the utmost sadness I can say, it can happen subconsciously. Although, fortunately, I know that with a strong and willing effort, these holes in the road can be filled. It is just a matter of searching out the proper filling.

Something we learned in childhood that is so very important is that the round peg does not go in the square hole. Trying to force the round peg into the square hole will present problems or dislikes to us, where as inserting the round peg in the round hole allows us to progress more comfortably and speedily to the following hazard or peg around the next, possibly not so blind, corner. All this can be determined by one’s own patience and desire to understand the road he or she is traveling.

When it comes to love and hate, these can be so disastrous or joyous that an uncontrollable spin may arise in either direction or both at once. It is a shame that most fall into the disastrous spin, on the journey to joy, over and over again.

On a good note, some crash, burn and survive to continue and conquer their quest. In these horrible crashes, we might only be able to pray that the hates are dispersed few & far between or destroyed. Praise and glory to those that can level out this undulating stretch of their road.
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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for posting this Sherri! I believe this will be interpeted differently by each person but will continue to hope that many can gain from it. Whatever each individuals road might be or pain they may deal with.

Be well always,

Ken