Sunday, May 18, 2008

*Attn Fibrofighters* Your Support Network

Yesterday my husband was weighed down heavily. I had been experiencing a very painful flair up for the past 4 days and was having trouble walking and keeping up with my daily tasks. Yesterday morning he admitted to feeling helpless and hopeless to help me in any way. After talking for awhile I realized how important it is to remind him frequently of the little ways he helps me keep going.

I reminded him that he offers to massage my muscles, offers to run errands that I can't run, offers to interact and take care of our children when I'm fatigued and hurting, offers to pray over me and for me frequently, brings me flowers that are unusual and exotic from time to time, takes time to ask me how I feel every morning without fail, makes me walk and move when I don't feel like it, keeps up with my medical team and asks me when my appointments are, goes to the pharmacy and picks up my prescriptions when I can't....and on and on....

Do you have support people in your life? It's important to remember that for them Fibromyalgia attacks in a completely different way. It steals their time with us, special occasions with us, makes them worry over us, they feel stressed when there is 'nothing' they feel they can do to take away our pain, and for men especially, this last truth is vital to remember.

Men by nature are "fixers". When they see a problem, they want to fix it, need to fix it, and they'll run themselves crazy until they do. Fibromyalgia cannot be fixed in many cases and the men in our lives suffer from feeling helpless and sometimes like a failure. Of course we know they are NOT failures, yet the plague of self-doubt and condemnation hangs over their heads in silent torment they very often do not express to us because they don't want to add to our predicament. They suffer alone many times.

Here are some links to articles, information, and support groups. Some of them are written from husband's and men and family members supporting their loved one who is living with Fibro.

Take time today to thank your supporters and remind them that even the smallest ways that they help..... REALLY DOES HELP! Don't take them for granted.
1) http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/507405/living_with_fibromyalgia_from_a_husbands.html?cat=41
2) http://www.fibromyalgia-symptoms.org/QA/answers-supporting_my_wife_who_has_fibromyalgia_/
3) http://www.chronicfatiguerelapse.com/how_to_support_your_spouse_with_fibromyalgia.html
4) http://www.co-cure.org/husband.htm
5) http://www.lclark.edu/~sherrons/supportgroups.htm
6) http://www.fibromyalgia-support.net/groups.htm

1 comment:

donovan/Hubby said...

My wife writes so very well. She is very talented with words.

As for me, I am more of a personable type of person. I do not like to write. My wife can write a story on just about anything.

As for her disease it is very hard to watch someone you love go through this in so much pain knowing you cannot do anything or much about it. We have done extensive research and found ways that she can manage her pain/life but no cure as of yet.I am sure there are many other men and women who are watching those they love suffer and each one may be feeling helpless.

I pray every day. To be honest I try to be strong with my faith in God and ask for Him to heal her or for a miracle. As each day passes and I watch my wife suffer it can have its effect on the one who does not have the disease because of the frustration of helplessness. I sometimes think that I should ask God if He would transfer her disease to me so that she wouldn't suffer. Then I think if she is in that much pain, maybe not. She has a high tolerance for pain. I mean for crying out loud she had three babies. I could never do that.

On the positive side, I am very thankful that there is no sentence at the end of her disease. It does not progress to get worse other than when she has some real bad days. We also believe that God has a purpose for each and every one of us. If He chooses to not heal her then we pray for wisdom and understanding so that we can allow God to use her and us through this for others. We are here to serve and help others and we both believe that through this we can and do. She helps others through her blog and other things that she is actively doing. Please check her out, I mean her blog and website. LOL!

Until then the best I can do is pray and not give up. She can't and won't so I am with her all the way. She is the love of my life, my wife. Amen.